Meaningless Rant.
I miss those days back a few months ago. Can I go back to what I was at that time? Can I? I'll try... Sometimes I talked too much, or is it that I am too concerned bout my own reputation, afraid that I'll say something stupid or lame? Probably... no, I guess that's it. Sometimes it's good that no one knows you. You won't have to feel embarrassed after you did something wrong cos no one knows you, no one gives a shit. No expectations to be met. Or is it that I couldn't take criticism? Be it constructive or negative? There are always people out there who enjoy seeing others's downfalls. Should I be bothered with them? Problem is, I do. The day will come I believe... whereby I'll put down all my pride and face all those bullshit that's gonna be thrown at me with grace. Just wait...
- posted by John @ 7:19 am

 
I'm worse at what I do best...
and for this gift I feel "blessed"...

No, it's true. This is what I'm encountering now. Some things that I put in 100% devotion to do, will end up like a pile of shit. Some things that are "anyhowly" done by me always end up to be one of my best attempts. Why is that so?! Bloody shit. I can never be serious bout something...
- posted by John @ 3:13 am

 
Time to wake up?
For no apparent reason, I started to compare myself with some people from my secondary school. About how we fare now 4 years after we left school. I felt very much like a loser after I realised how well they had spent these 4 years (Cute girlfriends, high academic/sport achievements, great jobs, steamy sex life, a nice sexy car etc), instead of being like me who constantly dwells in misery and slackerism. I guess it's some type of inferiority complex I'm kinda having now. Actually, I DID have a good start when I left school. Guess I'm too childish and immature to hold on to what I had attained, I allowed myself to fall into the abyss of eternal self pity.

I always envy those people who could "Study hard and play hard" because in my case, it's always "Study not and play harder than ever". I guess if Fairy God Mother were to grant me one wish tonight, I'd wish for self control. With that I could force myself to "do the right things, at the right time" and not play³. Haha, how pathetic. I actually need to wish for that?! I'm pretty much ashamed that I couldn't even determine my own life with my own will. Shucks.

I guess it's time to wake up and do something that I won't regret. Do it for myself, not for my future, family, friends, prospective girlfriends etc. But for myself. If I can't even save myself, who could? This isn't the medival times, there's no such thing as miracles. It's time for me for wake up... it had been a long sleep for me.

Some comic artist once said:
Depending on your focus, you can wallow in the sadness that is life, or you can reflect happily in the joy that also is life.
- posted by John @ 6:11 am

 
Singapore's Brainest Kid.
Nice program man. Those kids were awesome, made me feel so stupid. Somemore that kid who won was a member of MENSA. Oh boy. Very impressive. But I was thinking, during the last round of the game, IF I was down there, what would I pick to specialise in? Come to think bout it, I'm pretty much a Jack of all trades and a master of none. No wonder everything I do only half pail shit. That explains.

Some girl actually choose Final Fantasy 8. Oh boy, now that's fun. Let's see, it's quite tough. It's like the crew from the game show would have to buy a walkthrough for the game and pick questions from it. What questions would they ask? What is the best spell to be junctioned in the game? Which garden is the one that can fly? (?) What is Zell's most powerful limit break? Etc etc. Haha, that would be very entertaining. If I had to pick something fun, I would pick Chrono Trigger. However, I do not remember the years and time and stuff. That's a buttload of stuff to remember. (From prehistoric to future... siao bor...)
- posted by John @ 9:41 pm

 
Good ol' times, sucking up and appreciation.
It's always been like that. Things were never as good as what they were in the past. Time is a scary thing. After a period of time, you may realise that some things were never meant to remain the same. People change, situations become different, environments change, objects evolve etc. Ah... how I miss the good ol' times.

I hate people who suck up to others. To be more specific, I hate people who suck up to those that are successful in certain areas. They befriend certain people because these people are cool, successful, powerful, smart, famous etc. Often, these suck up-ers would show their true colours once those people that they befriend had lost their usefulness. Screw these mother fuckers.

It's hard to be appreciated by others, especially if you DO put in effort to accomplish something. It's human nature that people take things for granted. CDs of dead celebrities always sell like hotcakes. Stories of dead people when they were alive are always more interesting. So if you wanna do something, do it for yourself and not for others. At least you won't feel rejected at the end of the day.
- posted by John @ 1:24 am

 
Some rojak rantings...
Man... I haven't been updating my blog since bout 9 days back. I guess nothing much actually did happened, expect that my biological clock had been so badly disrupted, I can't even differentiate between day and night. Right now I guess there's no such thing as day and night for me, only waking time and sleeping time. I gotta adjust myself or I'll end up sick again. Argghhh... cheebye.

I really hope that we (me and a friend of mine) can have a band of our own. He's finally free to compose music for the songs I wrote, but I guess for the past few days I completely have no idea on how to write a decent song. Seriously bo idea man. Maybe it's cos I don't really feel frustrated these days, nor do I feel emotional or anything. I suppose they're the stuff that fuel my inspiration. The worst shit is that how can I be the vocals, I realised I can't sing at all. I sounded like a goose. WTF, let's hope one day I can really ignore everything around me and unleash my prowess on stage. P|-|34r t3h g0053!
- posted by John @ 9:37 pm

 
Words of wisdom?
I chatted with some guy from IRC earlier on, well, he's a friendly chap and we talked bout lots of stuff. It's pretty amazing sometimes the stuff you can come out with to tell others.

It's your ownself who can make a difference with your views.

Yeah, let's hope I can make a difference.
- posted by John @ 6:00 am

 
Plain Sunset is like a cup of kopi...
I get to know their songs through a friend of mine. Perhaps it's because back then I was having the most depressing moment of my life. Their songs like struck me somehow on that fateful day. Well... actually only 2 songs back then, one was "Plainsunset" and the other was "Find a Way", which coincidentally described my feelings at that particular time.

1 year later, I happen to find their webby and the rest of the stuff's history.

In the past I never like songs like "Runaway", "We're not in", "Priorities", "Hey you" etc etc, but today they pretty much make my day. Why is that so? Hmmm... I guess that's the magic of their songs. It takes time to love them, like learning to accept another person in your life, it doesn't happen in the blink of an eye.

Every song from Plain Sunset is a cup of high class kopi, you'll have to take it sip by sip to actually appreciate it.
- posted by John @ 4:24 am

 
Some people just can't grow up (mentally).
I've gotta agree, being older in terms of age doesn't mean you're more matured than the rest who are younger than you. If that tiny pea in their head doesn't become more matured in thinking, they'll forever remain as a kid (behaviour-wise). The same apply for kids who think they are very matured for their age, that's bullshit. As you grow older, you'll realise you'll never want to behave like what you were years back during the time when you think that you're very matured. People whose gray matter had grown won't go around informing others that they are matured in thinking.
- posted by John @ 5:22 pm

 
Infectious, Contagious, Outrageous. That’s you.
I had a little chat with "her" today. It's been quite awhile. Let's see, it's almost 2 years and yet my heart still reacted so much at the sight of her. I sure did walked out of her mind, but she still stays in mine... Guess she's someone I can never let go for the rest of my life.

Fly Away.mp3 by Vertical Rush
I was skeptical bout them, but they proved me wrong. Pretty cool stuff.
- posted by John @ 12:30 am

 
The people from Singapore Paranormal Investigators are a bunch of fools with nothing better to do.
I'm not a skeptic when it comes to ghosts, spirits and the supernatural. I guess it's because of my religion or maybe my upbringing.

Recently, I came across www.spi-sg.com after a long break and I went to browse their photos as usual since that's kinda like their main attraction. Guess what I saw? A buttload of crap. I know they have those high-tech equipment and all the shit, but using cameras to capture images of spirits?! They think they're playing Fatal Frame is it?! Oh boy, please standby more of your type-90 films coz they're more effective against ghosts ok? Oops! Digital cam? Too bad then.

I don't know whether these people got sibeh good imagination or what, they get alot of interesting conclusions from those blur like fuck pictures and say stuff like:

"If you were enlarge and convert that orb captured at the top right hand corner, this is what you would get. Can you see the face of a little girl seemingly emerging from the steps behind?"

Here's the picture mentioned above. Yeah right, not only the girl is emerging from the steps, you can see pretty clearly that she have a cigarette between her lips and there's a pretty large mole slightly at the top left end of her eyebrow. Can't see that? Geez, it's pretty obvious you're not from SPI coz only SPI people can see that. Ho hum.

Other than poor analytical skill, did I mention bout good imagination? A picture says a thousand words, let's take a look at the following picture:

Sometimes my dog barked at windows for no apparent reason. I once snapped a photo, and captured this pic. Looks normal? Look closely the reflection.."

Here's the reflection.
Holy Shit! Let's look at the reflection... OMFG! I see a guy who is taking a photograph and his flashlight! WOW! What a discovery!

"In this close up and brightened, a cat-like thing hanging on the rail in the middle (might just be smudges, but the eyes reflected my flash), and the pointy eared head to the left. Incidentally I stayed on the 8th storey, and that's a long fall tom the ground just outside my glass."

Here's the picture.
Here's the zoomed in picture.
Don't be confused camera dude. It's just some smudges on your window plus some imagination of yours and a self-scare. Nothing much really.

Yes, last but not least for today...

"I had a dog I really loved that died on 11 December 00. IN Sept 01, at close to midnight, I was seized with a sudden desire to walk the grounds I once walked her. This is what I captured. Is that her orb in the middle of the path?"

Here's the picture and the close-up.

What's all these fascinations about orbs? Are you so darn sure that these orbs are magnifestations of the spirits? The weirdest thing is not about the orbs, it's the guy carrying a camera during a stroll around midnight. That is just so damn paranormal! Well... unless you expect to take pictures of couples with kinky behaviours in public places. The zoom is so fucking blur that I thought it's semen stains on a Christmas green/red sock where kids hang above their fireplace. If you say it's a dog, I'd say it looks more like a meercat standing on it's hind legs.

As a conclusion, those folks at SPI are simply a buncha of people with the imagination of Woodbridge residents with nothing better to do (you all think spirits and ghost so easy let you take camera shots of them?!) and if orbs are signs of spiritual activities, then red eyes must be the mark of the Devil. Ho hum.
- posted by John @ 4:13 pm

 
Am I one heartless man or what?
Today, one mute and deaf man came to my flat to sell me some plush toys. Ok, I'm really very broke and one doll costs around S$11. I kept stressing to him that I don't have any money with me, but he just stood there and kept pestering (sorry, I know pestering doesn't sound very nice, but I can't find any other word now to describe the situation) me to buy one from him.

He then showed me some simple handsigns, which I believe meant something like he needed the money to fill his stomach or something. Ok I understand, but to a jobless man like me, 11 bucks is quite alot. My grandma wanted to give that man like S$1, but I feel that it's like treating him like a beggar, insulting his pride type of thingy you see? So I told her say don't need.

After exchanging a few rounds of handsigns, he finally gave up and show me a series of actions. He pointed at me, pointed at his left chest (heart) and then used his index finger to perform a wriggling worm action. I think he simply means that I don't have a heart or that I have no sympathy. He then shook his head and left.

I always thought that the disabled have their dignity and stuff, why is this man forcing me to buy something even after I kindly rejected him with a smile? I'm not saying that I'm right here, it's just that I'm surprised to encounter such an event. Oh well, I'm going to hell anyway...
- posted by John @ 9:49 pm